Tuesday, 5 July 2016
Third Time Lucky, Everyone NOSE That
When I was fourteen, I broke my nose whilst playing rounders in the Saddleworth Olympics.
A fielder accidentally threw the hard ball directly into my face whilst I was running around the posts.
(I promise, she liked me and wished me no ill-will, it was an accident).
To be fair, I wasn’t looking at the ball.
I’ve always been extremely determined.
Anyway, long story short, I broke my nose, then I had it reset at the local hospital.
Years later, when I was in my second year at University, I realised that they had failed to set it correctly. It was both in the wrong place on my face, and the wrong shape.
I looked a bit like a Picasso painting. (Or rather, a lot like a Picasso painting).
I had a second operation, and so a third nose job, a couple of months after.
I had to wear a massive splint on my face for a week.
I had to stay in the hospital overnight, (not that I remember much of it – I was passed out from the pain killers most of the time). The next morning, Emily and my Mum came to pick me up.
Now the really fun bit of this was that I have horrendous eye sight. This means that I require glasses or contact lenses all of the time. Or I can’t see.
(Even my toes are blurry if I don't have anything to help my eyes and I look down).
Emily walked into the room, I could tell it was her because I’d heard her talking as she walked down the corridor to my room. She was excited, I think because it was just such an insane role reversal after so many years of me coming to see her on hospital wards.
Anyway, she walked into the room, strolled over to the side of the bed and glared at my face.
‘I thought the point was to make you look better? It was so expensive, and you look like that. Mum, is she meant to look like that?’
My eye sockets were bruised.
She then greatly enjoyed getting to lead me around the hospital to the car. I couldn’t see a damn thing.
Puffy post-op eyes.
She was enjoying the power so much, I could tell. I would have laughed, but it hurt to move my face.
When we were in the car she tried to convince my Mum to drive over the speed bumps really hard to see what would happen.
I think she thought my nose might explode or something.